Stressed out

Just when I thought everything is going well, I am now back to the stressful feeding period, which actually is much worse now.

Hazel is aware and very cautious what goes into her mouth now. As she drinks everything through syringe, she will turn her head left and right afraid that what I am feeding her is medicine. Only when the syringe touch her lips and she briefly smell or tasted that it is milk, she will then allow me to syringe in. But she is very cautious with every syringes of milk! It is taking a long time to feed her now.

I was able to mask the medicine in between the milk last time. If I were to do that now, the rest of the milk she is not going to drink. She will fuss, struggle out of the baby chair, turning her head, hand blocking her mouth or brushing my syringe away. When I am alone, I will finish feeding her the milk first, then hold her chin to syringe in the medicines. She allowed for first few times. Then she started to struggle more whenever I tried to do that. So I change method and hold her head. She allowed for afew times and now she struggle plus scream plus cry. Evening time, hubb is around to help me with the medicine. But it has comes to a point where 2 of us could not make her swallow her medicine. We managed to hold her down and syringe in, but she refused to swallow. She will cry and let everything flow out. Her screams sounds like we are trying to cut her limbs off. -.-“‘

It is especially stressful during the morning feed with medicine time. I am alone with no help. I don’t have the strength to hold her down and syringe in the medication. It used to be 4 syringes of medication meaning 4 times of struggling and battling with her, and 4 times to traumatize her. Now I try to mix the tablets together and reduced the syringes to 2. It is still not easy.

I am happy that she is more aware now and getting “clever” in a way. On the other hand, I am getting so stressed up that I think I’ve aged another 10 years. Sigh.

Finally back

It has been rather crazy these weeks with us busy moving house and settling in our new home. Everyday is cleaning bit by bit of here and there, going to my sis’s house to pack some stuff and shift bit by bit. I seriously have a lot of stuff! Which probably most of them are rubbish and hubb wants me to throw them all away! I think it is a good time to do some spring cleaning of all my rubbish that was accumulated for the past 30 years. Heh.

Hazel went for her eye check up at kkh last week and was referred to eye centre to do an eye test. Hopefully all will be okay. She still isn’t paying much attention to objects around her, sometimes only look at them for half a minute and she will turn away. She is crawling more now. Usually she will crawl towards me wanting me to carry her, or she will crawl towards the sofa and stand up by supporting on it. Her feet position is still not good, and I am thinking to get her a new pair of splints. Kinda heartache as it is not cheap, but it is for her good. I don’t have a choice I guess.

At school, she is still crying whenever it is time to ask her to do some activities. The teachers said her awareness is so high that sometimes she can even force herself to sleep just so she can avoid the activities! That I’ve definitely realized as her behavior in school and at home is totally different.

Her new medication Topamax has reached 2 tabs a day now. We are still seeing signs of spasm, though the frequency reduced, we are disappointed that it cannot fully control the spasm. It is also making her more sleepy, as she now sleeps more and longer during her naps.

As for me, I am going to get some sleep for now. Seriously need it.

Saver

I have been suffering with acne problem for many many years since secondary school days. My hormones are a wreck. Whenever that time of the month is near, my face will always pop out BIG and awfully painful pimples that will take weeks to subside, and months for the scars to heal.

I have tried various skin care products, and been to the doctors and even get injection on the zit simply because it was just too painful. I have tried almost all I can within my means, but this problem doesn’t gets any better, and even till now, I am still having pimples. It’s really bothering me, and am jealous when I see my girlfriends’ flawless face.

Last month, I started using Artistry skincare product. It comes in a set, with a cleanser, toner and lotion. The first time I started using it, I am prepared for the worst. First thing is, my skin is uber sensitive to any facial products except those products prescribed by doctor. I will always get pimples popped out when I try new products. Secondly, the Artistry skincare set smells too good. To me, something with fragrance is a big NO to me. Little did I know that, Artistry uses all natural ingredients, and that beautiful smell is just a floral smell!

I am quite satisfied with the set I am using now, because it really keeps my skin moisturized, not too oily and not too dry. And the thing I am most happy with is that it is not causing any big honking zit on my face!

Other than using Artistry products, I also have started using Progessence Plus Serum. Because of the hormones and stress, I believe this is what has been causing me to have outbreaks especially when the menses is near. Progessence Plus Serum can help to balance hormones levels! Just right for me!

Apart from the above daily regime, the pimples still did not let go of me so easily. BUT at least this month only ONE popped out during menstrual period instead of the usual 2-3 BIG pimples. When I saw and feel the pain of the pimple, I applied Helichrysum essential oil on it. This is another natural therapeutic oil from Young Living, and man, does it works! I applied once at night before I go to sleep, the next morning the pain reduced by 80%! It wasn’t as painful and swollen, and I can hardly see any pimple there! Unless I touch it and can feel a small bump, other than that, there is no redness or whatsoever. I continue to apply 3-4 times for the day, and the next day it was gone! No scar, no squeezing, nothing. How much money would I have saved if I had known this oil earlier? My face would not have so many scars too!

I have no idea how much toxic I have been applying on my face for the past donkey years, not to mention the injection the doctor gave me on the pimples. I have no idea what’s in it, all I wanted back then was to get rid of the pimples asap in the fastest way. But now, using natural products and I can have equally good results, I am feeling on top of the world! 😀

No more doctor visits and trying brands and brands of facial products searching for the right one for myself.

I have found my face saver which probably will help me save more money in the future.

Achievement

My little buddy finally learns how to crawl!

Although her crawling are mixed in with crying and throwing of temper to reach the target we want her to get to, I am still happy that she is able to do it.

She is quite reluctant to crawl, only does that when we said we will carry her from a distance, then she will starts to crawl towards us. If the distance is too far, or there are some things that distracted her on the way, she will either stop crawling or continue to crawl but cry.

Nonetheless, we celebrate little little achievements that Hazel has achieved. We look forward for more to come.

Mini Updates

She loves her purifier. ;P

I have seen Hazel made some improvements these days which I am not really sure was it my imagination. Is she really able to do that or am I just simply assuming that was what she meant??

Few days ago, she wet her bed in the middle of the night. I was woken up by a squeeze on my arm. When I opened my eyes, Hazel was just right beside me. I felt the mattress was wet when I tried to put her back to sleep. She just quietly sit there waiting for me to dry up the place and settle her back to bed. Unlike her usual self, she usually will cry or make noise when she woke up. I have no idea how she moved to my side and squeezed my arm without making any noise.

Now whenever I opened the door, she will say something that sounds so similar to “Gai Gai” (meaning going out). Of course in my heart, I really hope she does know what she is saying. Sometimes looking at hubb, she will just say “Da-di” so loud. Hubb always beamed from ear to ear whenever he hears her saying that. 🙂 Recently she made new sounds like “ma-ma” or “mum mum”. Well at least she is starting to mouth words starting with “M”.

Hazel has started to hold on to support and stand up on her own. She will hold on to the sofa and stand up, but always ended up crying as she is stuck there. She doesn’t know how to move around by supporting onto the sofa. So when she gets tired, she don’t really dare to let go of her hand, and she started crying and feeling helpless. She will also now hold on to the purifier in the room and stand up (above pic). And yesterday at restaurant she also hold on to the back of the sofa seat and stood up. Both me and hubb were really really happy to see her progression.

School wise, not much improvements. She has been crying and screaming whenever the teacher wanted to do activity with her. Like painting, do some exercises, holding her hands to clap while singing songs or sensory play, she simply just refused to do any of them. Keep looking at me and wanting me to carry her. Once out of the classroom, her mood totally changed. She started to smile and babbles so happily. Oh my gosh.

We went for follow up last Wednesday, and Doctor was telling us more on Ketogenic Diet. After hearing, seriously I hope Hazel will not have to go through that. Even though the medications are harmful, but Ketogenic Diet sounds more stressed and traumatic on Hazel. And plus her feeding problem, it may not work as well. AND IT IS NOT CHEAP. One tin of Ketocal is like $115? Which for Hazel, can only last 2-3 days? We can’t afford that too. We won’t totally put that off, but praying hard we won’t go down that road.

Hazel officially starts school

Today is Hazel’s first day of school. Mommy me was having butterflies in my stomach early morning, because it is somehow my first school day with Hazel!

Early morning I started to plan her feeding time, packed the diaper bag, double and doubled checked, prepared her milk feed in advance, going through the essential oils I’m gonna bring with me, and after all these were done, I finally get to settle down a bit, and wait for the time to leave home.

Hazel fell asleep halfway through the journey, and was still sleeping when class started. I had to disturb her to wake her up. Lucky thing was there was no spasm after she woke up. So we joined the other 3 children on the mat and sing songs. Hazel was kinda confused to the unfamiliar voices and environment around her. I told her this will be her classroom in future, and she just looked at me, giving me the “50% understand, 50% don’t understand” look.

There was hydro therapy today but I was not informed, so I didn’t prepare swim wear for her and myself. Such a pity we missed it! It is a good thing to know that they have this therapy every week and was planned into the time table as one of the activities. So much things to look forward to!

The teachers are very nice, patience and helpful. The social worker and staff are nice as well. Am really happy on our first day at school.

Hazel didn’t really gave me a hard time today, though she kept wanting me to carry her. I guess I need to give her more time to adapt to school.

Hoping my application for the school bus can quickly be approved!

 

 

Go with the flow

Ever since Hazel’s incident in 2011 when she was just 3 months old, I have realized over these 2 years that not everything can go as what you have planned. And not everything turns out as what you have expected. But then again, this kind of thing doesn’t happen to just anybody.

When I was pregnant, I have expected to have a normal and healthy child, teaching her and growing with her through her every milestone. And it actually does not turn out as what I have expected.

I had plans for my baby when she was in my tummy, I wanted to give her the best I can, give her music lessons and anything that she is interested in as long as I can afford. And now I can only care that her seizures will be lessened the next day, feeding can go smoothly and she is free from any illness.

I no longer see what will happen down the years, or maybe months, not even weeks. I see in days. And as far as I can see, I only have hope for tomorrow. Hope that she is safe and sound for the day. Hope that she does not catch any bug for the day. Hope that her appetite will be good for the day. Hope that she does not have to suffer that much when the seizures strikes for the day. Hope that the frequencies of the spasm will be reduced day by day. Hope that she is happy for the day. After the end of the day, no matter how hard the day was, I will always pull myself together and be positive enough to face the next day.

Just seeing her alive and smiling when I woke up the next day is the best thing that can happen for the day.

Many moms are simply lucky to be blessed with normal children. Well, my family are blessed but in an extraordinary way. We probably see and feel more, and lots and lots of extra efforts, that through these, we become a stronger person. Hazel came for a reason, and I am thankful that she has taught me so many things in life.

Everyday is a challenge for us. Hazel is facing challenges everyday. We may find it tough, but she is suffering so much more than us.

I guess I always gets emo when I see how bad her seizures was for the day.

Today was a bad day for her. Let’s hope for a better tomorrow.

Hazel is 2 years old

I am still pretty amazed that how time passes so fast. Hazel is already 2 years old!

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the duties of a mom, and it strikes me again and again that, hey I’m actually a mom already?!

While some of you are enjoying your motherhood. I can’t really say I am enjoying mine as the stress I faced everyday is beyond words, and I cannot describe what went through this 2 years for us. But Hazel did bring me to anther world of emotions that are fully controlled by her. Her laughter can bring me smile the whole day. Her tears can tear apart my heart so easily. So ironic that I am controlled by a 2 years old! That is being a mom I suppose. 🙂

Hazel is embarking on a new phase of her life next week, which is going to school! I am so excited for her!

Last year, I remembered she spent her birthday in the hospital. This year I was prepared for the worst. Things might have been going on smoothly where the neurologist just increased her medicine dosage and has no intentions of admitting her in during the last review, I never let my hope gets high. I cannot face another disappointment again. Better be prepared!

Well, God is kind to us again, Hazel spent her birthday at home with us today. I couldn’t be more happy and really thankful. We did a mini celebration with her at our new home, and it marks down a wonderful end for today.

I am contented.

To my dearest daughter, Hazel

I wish you health, and a life full of happiness and laughter.
Be strong as we are all fighting this battle with you. Always remember, you are never alone.
We are here supporting you.
You can do it!
Daddy & Mommy loves you with all our heart.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Lots of hugs & kisses,
Daddy & Mommy

Bought a red velvet cupcake at Twelve Cupcakes! Mini cake for a mini celebration!

Her unglam shot…….

Better picture… 😀

August – Celebration Month

Hazel began her August with a series of celebration. First up was a birthday celebration with the Punggol Mommies on 02 August. Our kids all belong to August month babies, so we decided to celebrate together. Many many efforts from the mommies  and it was a very successful party! Kids and adults had fun. Surprisingly, Hazel was in a very good mood too! Despite the kids were screaming and laughing away, she was not disturbed by the noises at all. She kept looking around, and looked back at us and talked to us in her baby language. It would be great to have her running around playing balloons with the other kiddos. Something to look forward to, maybe next year. 🙂

My amazing punggol mommies group and their super adorable kids!

Next up was the birthday held at our new home on 03 August. Hubb had a really tiring week cleaning up the house for the party. And on that day itself, he went to self collect the cake, the balloons and the food. Super Dad award goes to him!

It was a small party, with my group of  buddies. It was great to have them celebrating Hazel’s 2nd birthday! Hazel was kinda stressed out that day. She doesn’t like adult voices all around her. Now I realized that she is more tolerant to kids voices than adult ones!

Not to forget my dear friend Yanling, baked 50 muffins for this party! And I ordered 4 shepherd’s pies from her and they were all gone in less than 30 mins. I even have to hide the black pepper flavored pie, saving it for my sis. 😀
No chance of taking pictures of them because the moment they arrived, the buddies were all hovering around the muffins and pies. I am not exaggerating at all, trust me.
Drop me an email if you are keen to order from her for your party!

Really nice red velvet cake from Happy Cake Studio

Totally in love with these balloons from Freesia Birthday Services.

Don’t have a decent picture with us all looking at the camera, but this candid one looks good too!

My lovely dollies!

The following day on 04 August was another birthday celebration with my mil. Just a simple dinner, durian feast and a cake.
Third celebration for Hazel!!

So, we have not planned anything for her on the actual day. We shall see how it goes.

This post is definitely photos overloaded!

Yeah!

Finally, we received the long awaited call today.

Hazel is starting school next month!!!

We are sooooooooooooo excited!!!!!