Go with the flow

Ever since Hazel’s incident in 2011 when she was just 3 months old, I have realized over these 2 years that not everything can go as what you have planned. And not everything turns out as what you have expected. But then again, this kind of thing doesn’t happen to just anybody.

When I was pregnant, I have expected to have a normal and healthy child, teaching her and growing with her through her every milestone. And it actually does not turn out as what I have expected.

I had plans for my baby when she was in my tummy, I wanted to give her the best I can, give her music lessons and anything that she is interested in as long as I can afford. And now I can only care that her seizures will be lessened the next day, feeding can go smoothly and she is free from any illness.

I no longer see what will happen down the years, or maybe months, not even weeks. I see in days. And as far as I can see, I only have hope for tomorrow. Hope that she is safe and sound for the day. Hope that she does not catch any bug for the day. Hope that her appetite will be good for the day. Hope that she does not have to suffer that much when the seizures strikes for the day. Hope that the frequencies of the spasm will be reduced day by day. Hope that she is happy for the day. After the end of the day, no matter how hard the day was, I will always pull myself together and be positive enough to face the next day.

Just seeing her alive and smiling when I woke up the next day is the best thing that can happen for the day.

Many moms are simply lucky to be blessed with normal children. Well, my family are blessed but in an extraordinary way. We probably see and feel more, and lots and lots of extra efforts, that through these, we become a stronger person. Hazel came for a reason, and I am thankful that she has taught me so many things in life.

Everyday is a challenge for us. Hazel is facing challenges everyday. We may find it tough, but she is suffering so much more than us.

I guess I always gets emo when I see how bad her seizures was for the day.

Today was a bad day for her. Let’s hope for a better tomorrow.

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One thought on “Go with the flow

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