活着就是幸福

I am not someone good enough to preach about survival or positivity. During the Hazel’s in ICU episode, I wished I have died there and then. What pulled me back was I am afraid to lose Hazel, and I want her to survive no matter what. No matter what it takes, no matter how much it cost, I only want her to pull through and be my side again. Tears was my 3 meals back then. Everyday walking to her bedside I start to tear. Talking to her I will start to cry. I got through my days with many support from friends and I’m desperately trying to gain comfort from their words, which was quite tough frankly.

I used to think that I’ve had the worst. That’s because every friend or everyone I know has kids that’s growing up normally, without any major issues. When I started to join chat groups with mommies that also has special needs kids, I felt so ashamed. There are so many unfortunate kids out there, facing problems that is far worse than Hazel. The positivity from the brave mommies are beyond words. They gained their strength from each other and of cause, religion plays a very big part! And now, I’m gaining strength from them too. 🙂

Their advises ranges from medical to food, toys, stimulation and what have you. It’s really amazing chatting to them and getting advises from them. They know exactly what our child needed, what our child is facing and feeling, and what we mommies feel when our spirit is down when our child is not feeling well.

I feel so much more towards the special needs kids. Little improvement from them, my tears welled up just by watching the video clips. I wasn’t so compassionate last time, but having a special needs kid myself, somehow my heart feels for them.

I feel very happy whenever I see Hazel babbles and laugh when we play with her. It really warms my heart to see her grow. This is my little 幸福 now. 🙂  And hopefully her spasm can be controlled again cuz I really don’t want to see her suffer anymore.

Tomorrow Hazel is going for her EEG test. Hopefully the result will show something cause if not, Hazel will have to admit in to do a whole day EEG procedure.

Just to share, Hazel’s supplements is here!

Photo 25-3-13 2 53 34 PM

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