It has been a rather busy end of 2012 and busy start of 2013 for me.
I was busy feeling guilty over my carelessness for letting Hazel knocked her head hard on the wall, on the very last day of 2012. Couldn’t have believed that I actually allowed such things to happen.
The start of 2013, we were busy with our new flat key collection, meeting up with ID and contractors. Fact is, I’ve only met 1 ID and 1 contractor and I am feeling exhausted for having to run to and fro like this. I have to carry Hazel in the carrier for 2 hours and my back aches like crazy. And to add on, Hazel is having spasm almost daily. My mind is overwhelmed by too many stuff at this point of time.
I told hub today that probably we should admit Hazel in after CNY. To do some tests and checks and get her spasm treated again. I really can’t bear to see her suffer everytime the spasm hits. And I can’t bear to put her on steriods again too! My mind has been thinking about this issue over and over again. With the new flat and renovation, mentally I’m very very tired.
It’s not ALOT of issues, but the stress is enough to eat me up day by day. I ran out of energy having to coax Hazel during every feed. I ran out of energy even just having to wash the bottles. I really have no idea what is happening to me, but I don’t have much energy left in me to keep me going.
Everyday I am monitoring her every move, hoping the knock on her head will be okay. And today, so afraid to let her fall, I accidentally tried to grab her and ended up scratched her nose bottom area and it bleed. Sigh. What am I doing? Am I still fit to be a caregiver when I’ve been hurting her like this?