It often saddens me to know that Hazel will never be like any other normal children.
Fact is, she is very much slower. Fact is, she has to be on long term medication and we never know when will the seizure strike back. Fact is, her eyes are affected. Even is its not caused by the brain injury, it is highly possible that the damage is caused by the huge amount of medication she has been taking. Certain things that are so normal and so common for many of you, it seems beyond my reach for me.
I see babies her age crawling, reaching out for toys, eating cereal and porridge, eye contact with you when you tried to catch their attention, I am seriously envious. Though it causes much headache to the parents, tire them out just by running around the house with them. My mind often pops up, “I wish Hazel will be like this”. For parents with babies developing normally and healthy, they will never understand all these are a blessing. I reached a point that I tried stopping myself from saying “I wish Hazel will be like this”. It seems kind of irritating now if I were to keep saying in front of my friends. But this thought has never ever left my mind. And this blog has become an outlet for me to vent out all my thoughts.
When we have it all, we failed to appreciate what we have.
A simple gesture that looks like Hazel is wanting me to carry her can make me happy the whole day.
When I bent down to look at her without calling her name, yet she knew it is me and gave me a million dollar smile, my heart is filled with pride.
It is an awfully long journey and what lies ahead, I don’t wish to think about it. And till now, I still feel that I’ve brought her harm by bringing her to this world.
Why has this blog turns out to be so sad?