While we were rejoicing over Hazel’s recovery and the reduction of medication, we suspect she might be having a relapse of the seizures again. It really hit me hard.
When I realised this, the first thing I did was? Cry. My tears just flow like tap water while looking and calling her name. Ain’t I a weak mummy?
The symptoms wasn’t obvious, but definitely something not right. Her eyeballs tend to roll to the extreme right side when she wakes up from a nap. She just repeatedly keep doing that, look at the front, roll to the right, look at the front, roll to the right. No matter how many times I called her and tried distracting her, she still keep on doing that. I have no idea what is going on, so we decided to increase her dosage of additional 2.5mg. After increasing the dosage for a few days, she is still doing the same thing whenever she wakes from a nap. We will have to consult the neurologist again as we think it will be better to increase her medication again before she really gets the fits.
I thought I will be strong enough or rather, prepared for such situation to happen, because the neurologist actually did warn us that when the medication reduced, her fits are likely to come back. I was hopeful inside my heart, telling myself, no.. Hazel will recover and wean off the steriods successfully. It still felt like a knife slashed through my heart when I saw the symptoms. My mind went totally blank and I felt lost. I wonder those parents who is in a so much worse situation than me, how did they cope?
Is it such a difficult thing to wish that Hazel just be well and be a happy child? It sounds simple, yet to me its so difficult to accomplish.