When I realised I was pregnant, she agreed willingly to help us look after our baby. When I was about due, she told us she has no confident to help us take care of her.
She said she will help do confinement for me. When I was about due, they decided to downgrade and shift house. Clashed with my confinement period, thus, not able to help.
When staying together, cramping in a 3 room flat with total of 5 adults, 1 baby and 2 dogs, they started to say I’m not helping with anything. Whole day only look after baby. When their dogs bark out of a sudden and scares my baby, the dogs should not be beaten and I am making a big fuss. She even feels that if her dogs were to be beaten for barking, my baby should also be beaten for crying? Started to claim credits when they helped to look after my baby while I went interviews. Even buying lunch for me for that one time, she also wanted to claim credit. Fine.
When problem arise, nobody bothered to talk to me about anything. Humans are funny. They expect others to know what they are thinking inside, or expect you to be GOD and knows how to read their actions and expressions. I’m sorry I ain’t GOD. I don’t know mind reading. I should have known better when she treated me invisible in the house.
The “SHE” I am referring to is actually 2 person. One OLDER SHE, and a YOUNGER SHE.
They think I have problem when I was in my post natal blues. Nobody knew that was depression.
Throughout the pregnancy, I moved house twice.
After so many conflicts, I decided to put Hazel with the nanny, and such things happened.
When Hazel is on the road to recovery, more responsive and more alert, they started offering help to look after her. When Hazel is now easier to handle, meds reducing, he thought it is easy to be staying home looking after her. All the hard work, all the difficult times I’ve been through in the past were forgotten. Whatever I said back then, it was remembered. But my past effort? Gone with the wind.
When things started to get easy, everybody thinks they are able to do it too. Why am I complaining so much? It’s as simple as 123. I started to feel that I’m a failure. I failed as a daughter, a wife and a mother. Nobody will appreciate what I did. Hazel suddenly doesn’t feel like my daughter, but I’m just a nanny helping another person to look after her. Everything I do is being judged. To him, I’m just rotting at home while he’s slogging at work. In another word, I did not fulfill my job as a mother or a housewife. I’m simply just wasting my time staying at home, squandering his hard earned money and yet after a hard day at work, he still have to come home and look after baby, while I sit there do nothing and watch TV.
I didn’t know that I’m not allowed to have my own time, do some own stuff, or even laze around. I should be on the ball 24/7.
How does a marriage works when its so difficult to communicate and theres so much conflicts involved?